It's not me, it's you.

Picture from @acilim on WeHeartIt.com

I'm pretty sure every one of us have had times when we feel really down about ourselves because of something that someone else might have said, even if it's just a question or a passing comment. For example, if someone was merely pointing out that you've gain weight or how you are not very bright or how clumsy you are, even worst when people call you names. 
Recently, I was told that I was fat or that I was and I quote "chunky"  and when I heard it, I just sort of laughed it off, because I did quite intentionally put on some weight because I was a bit too skinny before and I was constantly falling sick so putting on weight was my goal so I didn't mind it one bit. Furthermore, I'm a firm believer in looking like yourself and being comfortable and confident in your own skin regardless of whatever society's standards might be regarding weight and its perceived effect on beauty.

However, I've witnessed situations where sometimes people can say really mean things to someone with or without them realizing the severity of the words that they use.  For example a girl friend said to another friend stuff like, "how come you're still unemployed?" and ensue to snort or chuckle like it was meant to be funny even though she was aware that said friend have been looking for a job for months but to no avail. You see, I don't know what their true intentions are when people say such things and I can't ever know their true intentions are because I'm not a mind reader, but I know that to actually ask them the reason they say such mean things would result to responses like,"oh, I was joking, around and giving her a bad time because we're friends and that's what friends do they joke around" or "oh, I was just asking,".

Well, even if that is so then does that mean, it's okay to say mean things or hurt other people with your words, if you don't mean to do it? 

I personally feel that when I'm on the receiving end of a mean statement, regardless of their intentions and whether it is okay to do it, sometimes all of those things don't really matter because it's already out there and the damage is done. However, recently after I had been a victim of mean comments and insightful but insensitive questions and statments myself, I thought about the person who was directing that question and why the hell would anyone go out of their way to make someone else feel bad about their selves? I mean don't we all struggle enough with life without making it difficult for each other? 

I thought it through and I concluded that maybe people do that because they feel bad about their selves and that sense of inadequacy  and unworthiness makes them want to go out of their way to make someone else feel bad about their selves because of their false perception that by bringing someone else down they might be better off. 
Another possible explanation is that they had a bad day and they were just re-directing their issues on you because they have no other outlet, and they might not even realize that that's what they're doing.

Now I'm not trying to say it's okay to say mean things or say things that hurt other people simply because your day sucked or for any other reason for that matter, but when I started looking at it that way, I stopped feeling bad about myself when people lash out and make mean statements to me because more often than not when people say really mean things to me, the problem is not really with me or anything that I've done or how I live my life. No, it's about them, what they say to me and how they act towards me reflects more of the person they are rather than who I am. I've also took it upon myself to ponder about my own mistakes and I realized that there had been many times in the past when I came home really tired after a long day of classes and getting stuck in traffic for hours on end and the only thing I can do at the end of the day is lose my s*it at everything and everyone and say really insensitive and mean things to everyone even if no one even did anything wrong.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you know anyone who is constantly trying to bring you down or make you feel bad about yourself, always remember that the problem is not you, it's them. In the mean time, why don't you just play this song to them. At the end of the day I came to the epiphany that people will always say things about you as long as you live and walk on this earth, sometimes it's good sometimes it's bad but the sad thing about it is that you don't have any control over people's perceptions of you. What you can control however, is how you feel and think about yourself despite of it. So don't think less of yourself simply because others fail to see your worth. (And no, you don't owe it to anyone to prove your worth, because it's irrelevant, they're still going to make up their minds about you based on their way of thinking regardless of what you do!) You just always have to remember that how you see yourself is far more important than how others see you and that even if someone fails to see your worth, it doesn't make you any less worthy.
Spread love, spread positivity,



My inspirations, 


5 comments:

  1. What you have said in your blog post is near enough true. Some people are just plain mean and want to say horrible things to you because that is just how they are and is what they find amusing... Really, going out your way to hurt someone just seems pathetic to me. But, you are right. Some people say mean things because they are going through issues or are hurting on the inside or are jealous of you. You're never going to be liked by everyone, I learnt that the hard way due to bullying I used to suffer with but lasted for 10 years of my childhood, and you can never change what people think of you. What's important is that you love yourself and who you are and what you do... If you're not happy about life or about yourself, how are you going to expect other people to be happy about you or your life?? It is impossible... I have had those days too where it has been a rubbish day and I am in a bad mood with everyone. No matter how bad things get, you just have to remain positive!
    Loved the post, really good to read! xx www.justkatielou.blogspot.com

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    1. Oh my I'm sorry to hear about your experience with bullies. I hope that such harsh experiences in life made you stronger person and molded you to become a better person! thanks for reading my post! god bless xx

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  2. I randomly stumbled into your blog and this post hits me hard. I have an extreme low-self esteem as a result of being constantly put down since I was a kid. Seriously, spewing negativity towards a child can do so much damage than you can imagine. I'm really bad with words so when I read your post, it was as if you were writing on my behalf, writing what has been in my mind all this while. And for that, I thank you.
    :)

    Hugs,
    Kiwa
    http://potatopanic.blogspot.com

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    1. Aww your comment made my day! I'm so happy that I could reach out to you and that you can relate to what I was writing. I really feel that sometimes writing things like these help put things into perspective, doesn't it? Hope you're doing better these days xx

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